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Destination Inspiration
June 2009
Fall Of The
Roaming Empire
By Lisbeth
Anne Marín
Motivational
Speaker
Professional
Development Consultant
Slowly I turned, step by step; inch
by inch…I got there …and not a moment too soon! Once again I’d
triumphed over the pull of the monster. For the past hour it had taken
hold of my focus, distracting me, challenging me to ignore its
relentless tug. I counted the seconds till break time arrived.
Skillfully, I maneuvered the crowded hallway, along the way flashing
convincing smiles while exchanging witty banter with passersby. At
last, agonizing steps delivered me to my ultimate destination. Safely
behind the door I was desperate for the privacy this evil deed demanded.
In a powerful finale, it advanced those last precious inches
over an unmanageable muffin top and
rolled snugly around the top of my
thighs. Oh the shame of it, the cosmic indignity, my pantyhose
had all but strangled me to death, witnessed by a crowded room of
unsuspecting seminar attendees.
Now, do not
play with me; I know you’ve experienced this sinister takeover beneath
your clothes at some important event or Swinging Suarez. Once it gets
to going, there’s no amount of squirming or subtle adjustment capable of
ceasing the slide. To compound this quandary, somewhere during the
decent, it rolls up into a spandex tube too tight to unwind midway.
Your only hope is to begin again at the ankles …evenly spreading ‘the
wealth’.
I remember
the excitement when I
first got to wear stockings; it seemed
very grown-up. They came packaged as curiously shaped, flat-legs
…neatly folded over tissued cardboard. To put them on, a lady would
position herself in a feminine stance with toes pointed, leg extended
and silky hose gathered between thumb and forefinger. Throughout
history women have employed the donning of stockings to showcase their
feminine wiles. It’s a time honored tradition! Unfortunately, this
sexy approach doesn’t fly with the evil Lycra equivalent. I’ve seen a
new pair of control-top pantyhose elicit a comic range of hops, grunts
and contortions.
Remember the
girdles of our grandmas. They were Booty Straightjackets constructed of
chainmail and other impervious substances. I’m delighted to proclaim
the fashion industry has finally set our tooshies free, and the
sisterhood rejoices! I’m speaking of underwear’s most awaited counter
trend… Shapewear: a slinky, dignified hiney hammock that is
undetectable. Why, even Oprah will hike a hem and flash her ‘Spanks’.
Gone are the days of straps and winches to harness your hefty-places.
So, if you’ve
delayed your investment in this must-have underpinning, let me extend my
most heartfelt invitation to your nearest lingerie hangout. Shapewear
isn’t reserved for fluffy fillies, any gal suffering the slightest
sagging, cottage-cheesy cellulite or puckered pooch can be liberated …
never again to suffer the slander of hearing ‘must be jelly, ‘cause
jam don’t shake like that’ as you exit a room.
Lisbeth Anne
Marín is a Motivational Speaker & Professional Development Consultant
specializing in interpersonal, team building and organizational
development skills. She presents a wide array of staff development
training programs, motivational seminars and interactive workshops.
www.lisbethanne.com |
